Hi, my name is Keith…and I am a terrible networker.

What I learned about myself, labels, and why surface talk sucks.

I have a confession: I’m a terrible networker.

Because of my role, people tend to assume I’m an extrovert. But the truth is… I’m kind of an introvert. Or maybe an ambivert. (More on that later.) At least, that’s the story I’ve told myself for a long time.

The common definition goes something like this: do social settings cost you energy or give you energy? I used to have a coworker who was a full-blown extrovert. I’d watch him absolutely crush it on stage, pour his energy into the room, and then come off stage fired up, running around backstage, hugging people, shaking hands, soaking in the moment. He was literally energized by the whole thing.

Me? After leading our national conference, I get home and don’t want to talk to anyone for two days. Not even the kids. (lol)

That led me to believe the lie: “I’m not a good networker.”
But here’s the actual truth: I’m not good at surface-level conversation.

Now, that’s a lot harder to say than “I’m an introvert,” so I usually just roll with the simpler version. But really, what I struggle with is the “How ya doing?” or “How’s the market?” or “How was your flight?” stuff.

What I love is the small group or dinner party, where we can have languid (word of the day) conversation. Where we can wander a bit, ask really deep questions on the topic, be curious to understand someone’s point of view, and bonus points if I don’t agree with them and we can really talk about the nuance and differences. THAT brings me energy. That feeds my soul.

So, I’ve decided: I’m an ambivert.
Definition: Individuals who are comfortable with both solitude and social interaction.

In fact, I think we’re all ambiverts. The whole outgoing vs. introspective label thing? Kinda silly. My 13-year-old daughter is a great example. She’s shy at first, needs a good 15 minutes in a social setting to warm up. Likes to read the room. Classic introvert, right?

But… if you happen to be our neighbor when she’s having a sleepover and giggling until 2 am, you might have other words for her (where I can’t hear you), but “introvert” wouldn’t be one of them.

She thrives on stage. Theater. Dance. She loves it.
So, what is she?

She’s what we all are: complex.

Let’s stop trying to label ourselves. Instead, let’s focus on what brings us energy and what drains it. Then, let’s just… do more of the stuff that feeds our soul.

I should not go to big networking events, I should host some dinner parties once a month. I should not go to huge mixers but if I do I should find someone(s) and try to have a deeper conversation with a few folks vs a bunch of conversations with many folks.

None of us can do this alone. And we’re all wired differently, but not wrongly. (Yeah, that’s terrible English… I think. lol.)

Don’t stress about being the life of the party or the wallflower.
Worry about being effective.

A long, honest conversation with three people at a party feeds my soul, and probably feeds theirs too. They’ll remember me. I’ll remember them. Adding them to my sphere feels natural because we actually connected.

For someone else? Gathering 30 business cards and following up the next day might really work for them.

This isn’t about right or wrong, it’s about what’s right for you.

So, dear Substacker:
What labels have you put on yourself that might not be accurate?
What’s your version of “I’m an introvert”?
And what parts of yourself could you lean into more, if you just gave yourself permission?

-k

If this resonated with you, I’d love for you to hit that subscribe button. It helps me know you’re out there, and gives me energy to keep writing and sharing these honest reflections. Thanks for being here.